It’s no secret that many marriages end in divorce. It’s equally true that if you know what to do and simply change your approach- you don’t have to be one of those statistics. Many marriages fail due to a lack of awareness. If you think about it, we get into relationships that are the very catalyst for this type of things. Stress is not so much a bad thing as it is a motivator, a catalyst for change, and a fight or flight response.
Many people never learn to communicate and thus never realize that they are not the same as their wife. In fact, it is this difference that STRENGTHENS the relationship- not end it. Sound crazy? Let me explain.
First, we are all on a mission to improve ourselves, the vehicle for enjoying and thriving in life. It is through others that we do this effectively due to the lack of discipline, desire to change, or will power to do it ourselves. Through relationships we develop our most difficult assets, but that delivery system comes at a price. You must learn to work with your partner and accept that life is a biorhythm of ups and downs. You survive the downs and you come out ahead, you make changes for the better, and you both become stronger for the fight- but many choose the flight for some reason! You may need a “marriage retreat” and with a few moments and some wisdom passed down to you, you may realize to yourself that “I must save my marriage“- because nobody else- including your partner- is even capable of doing it if your not willing to see the Forrest for the trees!
Comprehending that your relationship is a conduit for growth and ever empowering change- you stop looking at the problems as- well problems- but rather noted flags that tell you what you need to change to be happy. As we go through the tough times we grow- that growth hurts sometimes. The fact is, when we were single we simply got lazy and didn’t push ourselves. We got into a relationship so we could get the help of another and that other together creates a “love” synergy that includes discipline in the form of many reality checks (on both sides). The reality check is not meant to be frustrating or painful- it’s meant to act as a life coach- you are actually attracted to someone who is in some way where you want to be, and although you’d think you want them to give you tough love so you learn and grow faster- the reality is many people have no clue what’s happening so they view it as “pain” or “them being crazy, unreasonable, or forceful” with us.
The truth is they are where you want to be in whatever area your fighting over. They don’t often realize that they are helping you- they just become annoyed at your idiosyncrasies and frustration is the result of not paying attention, misgoverning things as a personal attack on you- but in reality it’s love in action trying to help you get what you were after in the first place!
Friction is the bi-product of a lack of awareness. Once you gain that awareness you stop doing things that frustrate you and your partner and you both grow- without friction- many call this phase “the pleasure of partnership”.
If your feeling stressed and playing the blame game- stop. Stop and get some alone time to really think about it. Why does she make you so mad? Is she really THAT unreasonable? Did you subconsciously through body language, lifestyle, or simply telling her you love how she makes you feel- ask for her help? Is she merely giving it to you and due to loving you- won’t just let you get away with being lazy and suffering?
The reality is she is likely helping you but the growth you used to take for granted when you were single- the ability to “walk away” and resist the growth you so desperately want- is being cultivated in your relationship and she’s merely being stern, and due to the fact that you chose her because she could harmonize you in this area, your resistance has consequences because it dis-harmonizes HER!
When they say “the lord works in mysterious ways” what do you think they mean? Taking religion completely out of that statement- view it as pure factual data and you’ll see that although you may not “get it” (understand), this frustration is all your making, much like running into a burning building and wondering how the heck you got burned, why you started sweating, and why your blaming the fire when it was YOU who ran in expecting something different than you got!